I got catfished

Trin Carl
3 min readJul 15, 2024

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INT. THERAPY BUILDING — DAY

John (40s) an online junkie and Abernathy (20s) a young man obsessed with statistics are at a dating with social anxiety session. There were in the midst of an important talk when the mediator decides to change the focus of the chat.

MEDIATOR

Look ,we can go around all day on this topic, but the point is John has to decide whether he should continue his friendship with Mary.

JOHN

That’s right. Look, I’ve got this problem-

A few of the group members are engaging in murmured small talk.

MEDIATOR

Let’s all let John talk, he’s had his hand up.

JOHN

I can’t decide what I should do. You see, I got cat-fished by this woman I met in New York. I was going to take her out to this restaurant, because well…it was near my home…When she met me it was clear she wasn’t who said she was and she wasn’t attracted to me because she kept saying I was too skinny and how her two ex husbands had more meat on their bones. And then she was talking about how she’s been exercising a lot lately. And then I asked if she was trying to change something about her body and she got really pissed and yelled at me.

CHRISSY

(In brooklyn Accent)Look John, sounds like that woman’s got a lot of issues. Forget about her. You can do better. You’re a good-looking guy, you just seem to meet the wrong women.

JOHN

Yeah, I thought she hated me and would never talk to me again and then she called and apologized and we’ve been talking for the last four years.

Everyone’s eyes bulge as they focus in on John.

JOHN

The thing is, I found out recently that she’s married with two kids.

CHRISSY

So, let me get this straight. You kept talking to her even though you knew she was married with two kids?

JOHN

(hesitant)

Well, its not what you think. She told me she’s basically separated or divorced or something, and her husband was abusive to her.

(pauses)

And she was just lonely I think. We used to talk for four to six hours a day, in the beginning but then it started to get less and less…And I just think women get tired of you, ya know?

CHRISSY

I get it John, you began to grow feelings for her, and she was leading you on.

ABERNATHY

You know women with kids are eighty percent less likely to leave a man if he’s making six figures. This statistic is less for a woman whose husband makes below average.

JOHN

Well. We never got together. Like I said, she didn’t think I was attractive.

ABERNATHY

Men who make below average incomes are MORE likely to commit crimes and abuse their partners.

JOHN

We never went out. It was just that one time.

(Abernathy ignores John).

ABERNATHY

Women are ninety-three percent more likely to marry men with higher incomes than themselves.

CHRISSY

Statistics aren’t everything Abernathy.

JOHN

I never told her how much I made. That was irrelevant.

MEDIATOR

Look, I think we’re all fascinated about how class and status play out in relationships but I need to ask this: John, will you be continuing your friendship with this married woman?

JOHN

Can I decide on that next week? Its going to be our fourth year anniversary, and if its a one word exchange, I’d like to celebrate it.

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Trin Carl

I am an improviser.I write Theater 🎭 reviews in Minneapolis and ride-share confessions. Find my blog @theglobaldig.blogspot.com